Rainy Days

Last Friday's crazy, hour-long downpour left countless commuters stranded or stuck in traffic. Wanting to avoid that fate, after having had our fill of chili con carne and salsa at the Faculty Lounge, Elmo, Allan and I trekked over to Cantina for beer and...more salsa and chips. Katipunan looked almost pretty from the overpass; I had never seen the road so full of vehicles, yet so still. The restaurants were spilling over with people who also wanted to postpone the long commute.

We sat near the wall with two paintings of forlorn women looking away from a pile/bowl of humongous chili peppers. And we drank until midnight, talking about constipated writers, the fear of turning into cliches, and, strangely enough, God. Oh, and we tried to ask the waitress why one of the avocados painted on the other wall was colored black. She snubbed us, like a teacher in mid-lecture who refuses to get interrupted by the sipsip who asks irrelevant questions.

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Hours earlier, I stormed out of one class. Several students were absent probably due to an accounting exam later that afternoon, and two groups that were supposed to report had missing members who had their missing projects.

By that time, the rain could be called torrential. Water was accumulating in the CTC corridor, and the only other person there was a maintenance man wielding a long brush, pushing the liquid into the tiny drainage holes to prevent flooding.

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I heard "Dreams" over the radio again tonight, for the fourth time in two weeks---the Corrs' diluted version, not the Fleetwood Mac original. It's the weather, I have to tell myself, it's not a timely warning from the world. "Thunder only happens when it's raining."

I've also been listening to the CD compilation Allan made for me, struck by how he arranged the songs in a thematic arc, a journey, from preoccupation with death and heartache to joy and hope. Perfect chick music for rainy nights. My favorite tracks:

1. "Rosemary," by Suzanne Vega. Makes me think of the Greek island in Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart. Her clear voice and steady guitars make this song so...trustworthy. "How I wanted to break in / to that room beneath your skin / but all that would have to wait /...I had come meet you / with a question in my footsteps / I was going up the hillside / and the journey just begun."

2. "The Last Time I Saw Richard," by Joni Mitchell. When she croons, "When you gonna realize they're only pretty lies," puddles form in my eyes.

3. "Polaroids," by Shawn Colvin. I love how tough and tender she can be, given this song's repetitive, lulling melody. "But I am too young to die / Too old for a lullaby / Too tired for life on the ledge."

4. "Unravel," by Bjork. I could float in her charming and intentional vocal hesitations, forgetting that the song has words that are just as haunting. "While you are away / My heart comes undone / Slowly unravels / In a ball of yarn / The devil collects it / With a grin."

5. "Perfect World," by Liz Phair. My theme song of the moment! Her voice and lyrics are so playful and earnest at the same time. "I know I was born to lead a double life / ...I wanna be cool, TALL, vulnerable and luscious." Mwahaha.

One of my oldest dreams is to write good songs. I wish I can still do this someday---maybe write the lyrics and let someone else take care of the music. Let's add that to the grand list of Things to Do Before I Die, Whenever That May Be.

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So I finally watched EJ's copy of Adaptation, and ended up laughing in the living room at 1 a.m., and loving it. There's that passage in Orlean's book that I had to write down, possibly because I have yet to learn it:

"There are too many ideas and things and people, too many directions to go, I was starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size."