A Belated Jumping on the Quiz Bandwagon

13 Random Things You Like
13. finding friends' ticklish spots
12. drinking sessions, especially with co-teachers who, when tipsy, talk about Lykeion lovers, God as the void, and whether dessert is a cross-cultural concept
11. being driven/accompanied home after serious drinking sessions, though I know I'd be fine commuting alone
10. indigo bootcut jeans that actually fit my behind
9. at least one student's eyes twinkling during a class discussion
8. handwritten notes and letters, assuming they're legible
7. looking at old maps
6. texts from insomniac friends in the loneliest hours of morning
5. the audience's intake of breath right after someone reads a good poem and right before they applaud
4. reading the blogs of Yol and Vlad, because they always make me laugh
3. finding long-lost classmates and childhood enemies on Friendster
2. the thrill right before Christmas, a vacation trip, or a romantic confession---nothing beats that sense of anticipation
1. acts of graciousness, like when people take the effort to say thank you after a party, or after being entrusted with a first draft, or for still being a good friend after a break-up, as promised

12 Great Movies
12. In the Mood for Love
11. The English Patient
10. The End of the Affair
9. Hero
8. Afterlife
7. Big Fish
6. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
4. Lost in Translation
3. Fried Green Tomatoes
2. Magnolia
1. Red

11 Good Bands/Artists
11. Joni Mitchell
10. U2
9. The Beatles
8. Liz Phair
7. Elliott Smith
6. Cynthia Alexander
5. Everything But The Girl
4. George and Ira Gershwin
3. Bjork
2. Sarah Vaughan
1. Tori Amos

10 Things About You
10. I swallowed a marble on purpose when I was 2, and almost choked to death if not for that life-saving road hump
9. I got bitten by a black Doberman when I was 7, and still have its fang marks on my shin
8. I danced ballet for 8 years (when I was 4-12) and still have my first pair of toe shoes
7. Matakaw ako sa tulog. I can sleep for up to 14 hours, then stay up for 32. With my body clock, I could have been a medical intern.
6. I regularly have dreams of flying, of running away from assailants, of turning invisible at will, and of being a bloodthirsty head-hunting tribal warrior (go figure)
5. I have a good nose. I can guess people's perfumes/colognes. If you stink or smell good, I will find a way to tell you.
4. I worked as an editorial assistant at a fashion magazine---and felt horribly out of place among such kikay, fashion-obsessed people
3. I have been called an anti-feminist
2. I peek at the last few pages of a novel midway through it. I never read the poems in a book in order, from first to last.
1. Odds are, I can probably outdrink you

9 Friends Nung Kabataan
9. Miriam, with whom I concocted kalachuchi perfume and whose Care Bear figurine (Wish Bear) I stole when we fought
8. Jonathan, my neighbor and first crush, son of American Protestant missionaries, who had a rotten egg in a bottle in his room
7. Erica, my neighbor/classmate who was Vice President of the Against Miss Garcia Club, of which I was President (Miss Garcia was a hag who would make those who had forgotten to bring their cross stitch kits write "I will not forget to bring my cross stitch kit" 100 times on their assignment notebooks. Guess how many times I had to write in mine.)
6. Celina, my classmate at Holy Infant Nursery School who played jackstones with me and whose mom would serve us vege-meat
5. my cousin Sieg, who wore one of my skirts to mislead another cousin while playing Marco Polo
4. Charlene, our popular class president who played a geeky Jessica Wakefield to my Elizabeth
3. Regine, who could do a double pirouette effortlessly when everyone else could only do single
2. Anika, the quiz bee contestant who was supposed to guess the inventors of certain objects and screamed out "Airplane!" when the flashcard with the word "airplane" was shown
1. Jennifer, my first real best friend in grade 3 and fellow bookworm, who lent me stuff lying around the house, including Silhouette Temptation books and How to Make Love to a Man---which, naturally, we thought were hilarious

8 Favorite Foods/Drinks
8. Lord Stow's egg tarts
7. tom yang soup at the Thai Canteen
6. passionfruit-flavored Krystof vodka cruisers
5. grilled onion and tomato salsa at Cantina
4. Bloody Maries
3. Lola Evy's pansit molo
2. smoked salmon
1. Sbarro's meat sauce and garlic bread

7 Things You Wear Every Day
7. Green Tea perfume
6. peppermint lip balm
5. stainless steel Fossil watch
4. dangling earrings
3. Citre Shine hair polishing serum
2. face powder
1. black underwear

6 Things That Make You Happy
6. compliments from Papa, which include his ability to quote (from memory!) lines from my poems
5. being embraced from behind by someone I love while sleeping
4. seeing my name in print
3. Tori Amos' "Happy Phantom"
2. being greeted on my birthday
1. the bliss during and right after writing a poem, whether or not it turns out to be good

5 Shows You Watch
5. Boston Public
4. Six Feet Under
3. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
2. Sex and the City
1. Carnivale

4 Things That Irritate You
4. tricycle exhaust sticking to my freshly shampooed hair
3. envious, insincere, intellectually arrogant gossipmongers
2. students plagiarizing, submitting papers late, or generally not realizing how sheltered and overprivileged they are
1. smokers who don't mind blowing their shit into your face

3 Celebrities You Admire
3. Tori Amos
2. Conan O'Brien
1. Wislawa Szymborska

2 People on Friendster Whom You Invited First
2. Egay
1. Armand

One Greatest Fear in Life
1. Just one? Take your pick: mediocrity, lifelong loneliness, or oblivion.

* * * * *

Birthday
Louise Gluck

Amazingly, I can look back
fifty years. And there, at the end of the gaze,
a human being already entirely recognizable,
the hands clutched in the lap, the eyes
staring into the future with the combined
terror and hopelessness of a soul expecting annihilation.

Entirely familiar, though still, of course, very young.
Staring blindly ahead, the expression of someone staring into utter darkness.
And thinking---which meant, I remember, the attempts of the mind
to prevent change.

Familiar, recognizable, but much more deeply alone, more despondent.
She does not, in her view, meet the definition
of child, a person with everything to look forward to.

This is how the other look; this is, therefore, what they are.
Constantly making friends
with the camera, many of them actually
smiling with real conviction---

I remember that age. Riddled with self-doubt, self-loathing,
and at the same time suffused
with contempt for the communal, the ordinary; forever
consigned to solitude, the bleak solace of perception, to a future
completely dominated by the tragic, with no use for the immense will
but to fend it off---

That is the problem of silence:
one can not test one's ideas.
Because they are not ideas, they are the truth.

All the defenses, the spiritual rigidity, the insistent
unmasking of the ordinary to reveal the tragic,
were actually innocence of the world.

Meaning the partial, the shifting, the mutable---
all that the absolute excludes. I sat in the dark, in the living room.
The birthday was over. I was thinking, naturally, about time.
I remember how, in almost the same instant,
my heart would leap up exultant and collapse
in desolate anguish. The leaping up---the half I didn't count---
that was happiness; that is what the word meant.